Things to Never Say to a Bride to Be

Ahhh wedding season. Unlike me, the majority of humans get married in the summer months, and we’re about to be in full swing. Planning a wedding is hard. And while it wasn’t stressful for me (because seriously you guys, calm down it’s just a party), it can definitely be annoying when people ask you certain things during the planning process. Here are some things that you should never say to a bride.

How’s the wedding planning going?

Look we get it, you’re making small talk. Or maybe you’re genuinely curious. When a woman is thrust into wedding planning, everyone knows it and it becomes all she ever talks about. The majority of her focus shifts to this day that will end up being a blur. It’s madness. Sometimes, she just wants to talk about something other than her wedding. So maybe instead of asking the same question 43 other people have asked that week, you could be a breath of fresh air and ask about something else. Better yet, you could actually offer to help.

Anything about being in the wedding party

Look, if you’re not in the wedding party it is beyond rude to ask why you’re not. Yes, I get it, your feelings are hurt but this is not the time. I flew to Spain for a dear friend’s wedding who didn’t have bridesmaids and wasn’t asked to read or to be a witness. I’ll admit, watching the other people do it stung a bit. But it wasn’t my day, it was hers. But it also didn’t stop me from having her do a reading at my wedding, because I’m a grownup.

This also goes for being a bridesmaid and asking why you aren’t the maid of honor. Super fucking rude.

The status of the bar

Unless you want to volunteer to pay for the open bar, you don’t get to protest it being a beer/wine only service. If you don’t drink beer or wine then you can ante up the cash for your own liquor if it’s available– if not then it looks like you’ll have to suck it up. You are not entitled to your beverage of choice at someone else’s wedding.

Can I have a plus one?

While it’s proper etiquette to give a plus one (and use that person’s full name) to someone who is married or in a serious relationship — you are not entitled to one. If you refuse to go to a wedding because you don’t have a plus one (which I totally understand if you don’t know anyone but the bride) you do not tell the bride this. Just fill out your RSVP politely declining like a normal person.

I didn’t get an invite

I know, it sucks not being invited to a wedding of someone that you consider yourself to be friends with. But again, you are not owed an invite. There are SO many factors when planning a wedding– budget, travel, time of year. I limited my own guest list since my wedding fell between Thanksgiving & Christmas and didn’t want to ask that many people to travel. Plus we kept the majority of the list to family with very few friends speckled in. My point is, you just don’t know and guilting the bride about it is a dick move.

That’s been done before

Maybe the bride has something specific she wants to do, like have her bridesmaids wear cowboy boots or choreograph a dance for her husband to be. So freaking what? It’s her wedding! Unless you are asked your opinion you should probably keep your comments to yourself.

Are you still going to wear your engagement ring after you get married?

Umm what? Dumb question. Seriously.

Why are you getting married? Monogamy is stupid/men can’t be faithful for that long

Look, many of us are cynical. Many of us are jaded. But when someone is getting married it’s absolutely not the time to project your personal opinions of marriage and fidelity onto the bride. Either be happy for someone because they are happy, or keep your mouth shut. It is beyond insanely rude to say something like that to someone about to enter what I’m sure they are hoping is a lifelong marriage.

Will there be single women/men there? Not sure if I should bring a date or not

It amazes me that people are so self-involved that they think the bride is concerned about whether or not you make a love connection at their wedding. Bring a date or don’t, but asking if there will be singles there to hit on is awkward as hell.

Why didn’t you hire me?

Just because you are friends and have wedding related services doesn’t mean you should automatically be hired. Maybe she fell in love with someone else’s work, maybe her mother made the choice, or maybe she just wants you to be a guest and enjoy the day. Whatever the reason, she didn’t hire you and asking her to explain that is again, so rude.

I can’t come to the wedding because I have a party/other event/concert/whatever to go to

Cool. So fill out your RSVP card like a normal human would and spare her your calendar conflict.

Why are you getting married SO far away? It’s inconvenient for me.

Then don’t go. The people that the wedding location is generally convenient for are the people the bride cares for the most, like say, her grandparents. Or perhaps the majority of their family is located there and less people will have to travel. Or maybe they just like the area. Regardless, if it’s so inconvenient that you feel as though you should complain to the bride, you should just not go.

Don’t you think it’s unfair… insert some comment about bachelor parties

You are not the one entering this marriage, so you don’t get a say in whether or not it’s fair that the bride goes to Nashville for her bachelorette party and the groom doesn’t do anything. Or if the bride goes to a day spa and the groom hits the strip club. These are personal choices between the bride and groom, which I’m sure they’ve discussed and agreed upon without your 2 cents. So if you were lucky enough to get invited to either just shhhhh and let them enjoy themselves.

What things do you think you should never say to a bride?

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Chrystal Rose
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