Cutting people off. This is something that has been bothering me for awhile now. I see people all over the place talking about removing people from their lives and being encouraged to do so.
Someone makes you sad? Cut them off.
Someone makes you angry? Cut them off.
Someone doesn’t support you? Cut them off.
Someone inspires any negative feeling whatsoever? Cut them off.
Someone disagrees with you.
Someone challenges you.
Someone tells you the truth which hurts to hear.
Cut them off, cut them off, cut them off!
Toxic or Nah?
But how much of this is our (mis)interpretation and how much is actual abuse? How much is it about how someone makes us feel– due to our own insecurities rather than their actual intentions? How much of it is us, mismanaging the relationship? And what I really want to know is,
Aren’t we already cut off?
In a world where the majority of interactions are through text (messages, status updates, email etc.) tone disappears entirely. Harsh words glare at us through the screens of our phones. Correct punctuation is viewed as anger, annoyance or being short. We’re forced to add exclamation points and emojis to come off less serious, and even then, some emojis are taken as patronization. Full blown internet fights occur over what could be a cordial, in person conversation. We assign meaning to messages and take offense rather than asking. We block, unfollow and unfriend.
What happened to being in it with people? What happened to discussion? Remember that back and forth thing that goes on when you’re face to face with a person?
We are so quick to jump to negative feelings and to defend our ego (due to our own insecurities more often than not), that we project these feelings on to the other person. We decide their intentions for them. We decide they’re hurtful.
Mean.
Unsupportive.
Jealous.
Ignorant.
We decide someone is an asshole because they like someone/something we hate. And then we write them off. Are we that big of babies that we can’t handle someone in our lives that doesn’t always agree with us or what we are doing?
I am so tired of people behaving as though other humans are expendable.
We no longer have things like understanding, middle ground and benefit of the doubt. No wonder relationships seem impossible and friendships are built on a thread. No wonder complete strangers bash each other.
Technology isn’t at fault here. We are. We are for allowing our insecurities to interpret what should (usually) be a face value message.
Before You Start Cutting People Off
You want personal growth? You want to be the best version of you? Then start accepting others even when they don’t accept you. Forgive those who hurt you. Offer more than a single chance. Have some compassion. Ask questions rather than assume. Agree to disagree. Manage the relationship. Learn what it really means to be the bigger person.
Yes, there are always circumstances where you will need to end a friendship, stop speaking to a relative or disengage from an abusive person, but cutting people off isn’t always the answer.
Ask yourself:
If this person were to be lying in a hospital bed– How would I feel?
Can I manage this relationship better so this person no longer upsets me?
Is this person truly toxic and/abusive to me and my well being?
Is it me?
And what if the answer to that last question is yes? Can we face that? Can we face that we may actually be the problem here and instead of focusing on our own growth, we are relying on the removal of other people to do the growing for us?
What are your thoughts about cutting people off?
Photo credit: Shutterstock
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