Relationships have their ups and downs and both sides contribute to them. But what if it’s mostly you? Are you ruining your relationship?
You may be sabotaging your relationship without realizing it, or without realizing that you’re the cause of the problems. It happens honey, especially when we’re clouded by our own emotions. You may think that it isn’t you, that it’s his fault and if he would only do what you ask or what you need– it’ll get better. I’ve said it in many of my articles before and I’ll say it again now: men tend to respond to our actions. As much as we want them to be proactive, men are mostly reactive. In times of dispute, we need to be the proactive ones. And we should want to be, because this also means that we’re actively working on that best version of ourselves.
Here Are 6 Ways That You’re Ruining Your Relationship
1. You’re Ungrateful
Somewhere along the lines you stopped saying thank you. You stopped noticing when he goes out of his way to do things for you. Whether it be to pick up your favorite coffee, cook you dinner or record a show for you, you now have somewhat come to expect these actions. No, you don’t need to throw a party in his honor when he does nice things for you, but you do need to show him that you appreciate it—and him.
2. You’re Taking Him for Granted
It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship. We all do it, but at what point do you start taking someone for granted? Taking someone for granted brings ungrateful a step further. To the other side it may feel like you don’t consider them in your everyday decisions. It may feel like not only do you not appreciate what they do, but that you don’t appreciate them as a person. It may feel like you just assume that they’re always going to be there so you don’t have to make the effort for them.
This can cause a lot of tension between the two of you and you may not even realize it. Because you’re so comfortable, it just might feel like you’re behaving normally. Bottom line, you are part of a duo and it’s your job to show the other person that at the very least, you want them there. Step your game up!
3. You’re Clingy
Sometimes things happen where he pulls away and your first instinct is to grab on and hold him tighter. This is where many women go wrong. When a man is distant for whatever reason it’s best to give him the space he needs to sort it out. Sure, try and talk about it but panicking is not going to help you. The tighter you hold, the harder he will wiggle to get away.
Yes, love is great and wanting to be around someone every second of every day is awesome in theory, but it’s just not feasible. Men need space, and more importantly you need space (whether you feel like you want it or not). Stop being so clingy and you’ll notice your relationship starting to flourish where it was once dwindling.
4. You’re Jealous
It seems like there are so many more reasons to be jealous these days than there used to be. Between exes, chicks he works with, and social media parading half-naked women around your man constantly, it’s easy to feel a twinge now and then. But have you gotten carried away? A little jealousy is healthy and perfectly natural, but if you are constantly jealous of other girls there is a big problem here (and I don’t mean him). If he is doing everything to reassure you and hasn’t given you cause for concern—that means it’s all on you. And now you have to stop.
If he isn’t acting out, then the cause for your jealousy is internal. Ask yourself why you are feeling insecure, why you’re worried about other women, and if you want to continue feeling this way. My guess is you don’t. Unfortunately, this takes a lot of work to fix. You need to start working on your self-esteem, your confidence, and that can mean different things to different people. But it’s something you have to do; otherwise you’re going to rip your relationship to shreds.
5. You’re Not Being Intimate
I’m not the first person to tell you, and I won’t be the last, that sex is an important part of a relationship. Closeness, intimacy, sex—these are all aspects of your relationship that should be on lock. When you share with each other, you become closer. The tighter your bond, the less likely you are to fall apart.
Make sure that you’re making time for each other, and having enough sex so you’re both satisfied and regularly checking the pulse of your relationship.
6. You’re Emotionally Cheating
I’m talking about emotional cheating not actual cheating, because in that case you aren’t ruining your relationship—you’ve already ruined it. And yeah, sure, there are plenty of things you can do to get it back on track, (but that’s a whole other article).
When we feel like we’re not getting what we need at home it can be so tempting to let your eyes wander. Other men seem to say the right things, they listen when we wish ours would. Suddenly we’re texting/calling/talking daily and have this whole other mental and emotional connection.
This is dangerous because when you allow someone into your world that has sparked an interest, you will naturally pull away from your relationship. Hiding your lack of interest in your significant other will become very difficult. You might think you’re just having fun. You might think it’s harmless, but you shouldn’t be sharing your life with someone other than the one you’re supposed to be sharing your life with. Unless of course you’re ready to make the leap, but at this point so few people are.
Drop the mind-fuck and focus on your man. Draw him in and let him know what you need and are wanting from him, while letting him know how serious you are. He needs to understand the gravity behind your needs. Don’t sell your relationship short by checking out. Check back in, be honest, and stop ruining your relationship.
Image credit: Shutterstock
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