Whether you love or hate Valentine’s Day-it’s a national holiday and it isn’t going anywhere. Personally, I wouldn’t say that I’m indifferent; I just don’t love or hate it. I never found it to be depressing when I was single on Valentine’s Day and as a coupled up girl I don’t view it as the most important, romantic event of the year.
I see it more as a day dedicated to love. It’s a reminder to stop, take a breath and appreciate the people you love in your life. Do I feel like I need a specific day to do this? No, of course not. But, I appreciate it for what it is and this girl right here loves having a reason to celebrate.
There are Things About Valentine’s Day That Piss Me Off
1. New Lingerie
When you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is pretty much the one holiday where lingerie is obligatory. Whether you’re spending 80 bucks at Victoria’s Secret, emptying your pockets for La Perla, or snatching up a couple of key essentials at Target-it’s generally on the “to do” list.
Personally, I love lingerie. I like getting new stuff, but buying lingerie for Valentine’s Day pisses me off. My man gets in a solid 30 seconds of view time (I even make sure to do a complete 180) before that shit is torn off and on the floor.
Why the fuck am I spending so much money and so much time staring at my thighs in the mirror, only for him to mumble something unintelligible, and maul me like a lion that hasn’t eaten in a week?
2. Dinner Menus
Of course we’re going to go out to eat somewhere nice to celebrate the holiday of love, and inevitably the regular menu will be replaced with one of those prix fixe bullshit menus. You know, the kind that only has a few choices for each course and one fixed price? Those things piss me off on Valentine’s Day.
Yes, I get that your restaurant is slammed to the point where we have to wait even though we have a reservation, and you probably don’t want to overwhelm your kitchen-but nothing pisses me off more than having limited options and having to order all at once. I hate ordering all my courses at once. If I’m here with someone I love, don’t I want to enjoy the meal and savor every bite? I’m not trying to have my entrée show up while I’m still eating my appetizer, or be forced to choose a dessert before I’ve been able to enjoy dinner.
Take your condensed “special Valentine’s Day menu” and shove it up your ass.
3. People Bitching
Yes, we get it. You don’t need a day to tell you to be romantic. People should act like it’s Valentine’s Day every day. It’s a Hallmark Holiday. Blah, blah, blah shut the fuck up.
Guess what, you self-righteous holiday hater? It’s none of your freaking business as to what other people do on Valentine’s Day. Some people have husbands that bring them flowers “just because” and others only bring them once a year on V-day. If that’s the only bouquet of flowers that chick gets a year, let her enjoy her freaking flowers and her damn heart shaped chocolates!
My boyfriend and I are totally in love and do sweet things for each other all year, but that’s not going to stop us from celebrating Valentine’s Day-and if your relationship is the same, you shouldn’t feel the need to tell other people ipso facto about it.
Your hipster-like “I’m too cool for Valentine’s Day” attitude pisses me off.
4. Single Girls
There’s nothing wrong with being single obviously, but it pisses me off when single girls feel the need to get together and protest Valentine’s Day. Or turn it into their day, making it abundantly clear that they are single and proud. We get it.
If you were that happy about your singledom, Valentine’s Day would come and go without incident. The fact that you feel the need to gather the herd, excluding your coupled up friends of course (fuck them!), squeeze your ass into a pink bandage dress (regardless of the day of the week), and prance around declaring that you don’t need a man, and you luuuuuurrrrve being single, makes me think you’re really not all that happy to be single.
Or you sit at home eating tubs of ice cream, watching a marathon of rom-coms, and feeling depressed that you’re single.
Just stop! Instead of using the day as an excuse to flash your singledom or be depressed, why don’t you either a) Ignore the day. It’s just a day. Or b) Do something nice for your friends and loved ones. Like make some heart shaped cupcakes for your friends/co-workers and brighten everyone’s day. Be the bearer of Valentine’s Day friendship love, instead of the pathetic girl everyone secretly feels sorry for.
5. Obligatory Gifts
Flowers, teddy bears, jewelry, chocolate, candy, hearts, roses… These expectations for Valentine’s Day piss me off. Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate (like omg love chocolate) and adore roses (preferably white ones), but the fact that you know you’re going to get one of the above is pretty freaking annoying.
These gifts not only lack originality but also take away from the point of gift giving in the first place. The point is to be thoughtful. (Granted like I said in point #3, if it’s the only day of the year you get flowers, you enjoy those freaking flowers, girl!) These standard, obligatory gifts remove all thought from gift-giving and turn everyone into chocolate heart, red rose, jewelry, teddy bear giving robots.
There are gifts you can give that are free that are just as, if not more meaningful. Give gifts that can represent your relationship or at least are in line with the other person’s style. For example, I would love to receive something like a garden skull ring or dragon leather bracelet, similar to those you can find on online stores like BadassJewelry.com. In case you are unsure of what they would like, you could try making something yourself, even if it’s just a card. Or, you could paint her a picture – time and effort mean more than money. Alternatively, consider going on a romantic getaway together. It could be just a night, but it’ll be something different from usual. Custom gifts, such as these tshirts custom to you and your partner, also make a thoughtful gift as they show that you’ve really thought about what would make each other smile.
Please, don’t be that girl that says, “You don’t have to get me anything,” and not mean it. That really pisses me off. Wanting a gift from your man on a holiday doesn’t make you a bad person and saying you don’t want anything doesn’t make you a saint. Just be grateful for whatever you get.
Hey ladies, Valentine’s Day isn’t just for women. A badass chick knows that the day of love isn’t all about her; it’s about him too. So expecting him to send your flowers to the office, taking you some place fancy for dinner, and giving you something that sparkles-without you giving anything in return is kind of bullshit.
It pisses me off that some women think that their man should shell out big bucks for Valentine’s Day, and that getting sex (with 30 seconds of lingerie viewing) is enough reciprocation.
While I don’t think there’s a man out there that will complain about getting sex on Valentine’s Day-I challenge you women to step it up a notch this year. Give him a thoughtful gift that you know he will love. Maybe try finding some sex pheromones, and use it, if you desire something more for the evening. Be expressive to him, if not doing the latter, then by doing something else. Plan something fun to do before/after your date. Cook dinner, bake something, paint something-whatever! Just remind yourself that it’s his day too.
What pisses you off on Valentine’s Day? Are you guilty of some of these points?
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