A couple of months ago, my fiancé and I got engaged. It was a total surprise, and despite me almost ruining it-it was terribly romantic. I’ve had the fortune (or misfortune) of being engaged in my early 20s, so over the last couple of months I’ve noticed just how very different it is as an engaged woman in her 30s, vs. my 20s counterpart.
1. You think to yourself: Really? Someone actually wants to marry me?
In no way do I consider myself unlovable, but the fact that I’ve cut into my early 30s without a ring has always made me wonder if I just wasn’t the marrying kind. To be fair, there were men who talked about marriage with me, including my ex-fiance, but none of them were the right ones, and when I met the right one, I wondered if he would even think I was the right one.
2. You’re grateful you never married anyone else in the last decade
While I dodged the marriage bullet once before, I’m a sucker for love. It’s sort of shocking I never did get married in my 20s because I did love a handful of people dearly. Being engaged now, I’m so grateful I didn’t before, because this is better than anyone I could have ended up with.
3. You’re sort of attached to your last name
I’ve always loved my full name and everyone has always commented on how beautiful it is my whole life. The vanity of my last name changing had been a concern in the past, but now it’s something different. Since I’m still in the process of making a name for myself, it feels a little icky to change it now. It sort of seems like a much bigger deal.
4. You’re a little set in your ways
Aside from the name changing (and all the work that goes into switching all the bills and important documents over) I’ve gotten used to taking care of myself. Sure, being in a relationship with Future Hubs as long as I have, I’ve allowed him to take care of me quite a bit– but there’s just something about self-reliance and having your own back.
5. You are very aware that the wedding day-is just a day
Thanks to all the crazy brides, annulments and divorces I’ve seen over the last decade, I know that while my wedding will be beautiful, it’s more importantly a celebration of our step into married life. It is not a day to be a princess or a queen and make demands of everyone who loves me. The marriage itself is what matters most.
6. And you’re even more aware that it’s really not your day
Although I’ve just begun planning, I’ve realized that the wedding isn’t just about me. It’s about my mom who loves being part of the process. It’s about inviting relatives you never talk to because they’d be upset. It’s about including your future mother-in-law with the planning process so she knows how important she is to you. It’s about inviting children you’d rather not because they’re family and not inviting some friends and acquaintances because it costs a shit ton of money.
7. Wedding planning almost seems like a chore. A fun chore, but a chore…
The last thing I feel like doing is adding more to my already full plate to reach out to vendors. Emails, phone calls and meetings take time. Flying to Boston and seeing the venue, deposits, fees, and wedding dress fittings. I just want to marry the man I love, why is there so much freaking stuff to do??
8…And so the wedding planning is very casual
There is no lamenting about what vendor to choose and being afraid to choose the wrong one. I look, I like, I set an appointment and I move on.
9. The majority of your friends have been there, done that…
Several of my friends have gotten married, engaged and had children (on purpose) over the last decade while I worked on my career. There wasn’t a scene of my 5 closest BFFs squealing and begging to see the ring, it was more of a collective, “It’s about time!” and “We knew it would happen soon!” Kind of deal. You did? Thanks for filling me in!
10…Which means they have great recommendations
The bright side of all your friends and friends of friends beating you down the aisle? They have already worked with vendors and can give you stellar recommendations about everything ranging from decor to where to buy your engagement ring (if you would be interested, why not look here?). Helloooo simplified wedding planning!
11. You no longer roll your eyes when another chick gets engaged
Whenever the holiday barrage of engagements would roll in, I’d cynically critique the couples. The ones who got engaged within a year of dating I simply couldn’t bite my tongue about. Of course it sparked a few insecurities like the standard, “What’s wrong with me? Am I just not the marrying kind??” Now I just smile.
12. You suddenly feel very grown up
I went from living in my house with my boyfriend to engaged and looking at houses for us to buy together. Talk about a kick in the ass! Having my own car/house/business simply doesn’t feel as grown up as the whole getting married to someone else and getting a house together part. Probably because left to my own devices meals, showering and viewing the light of day are all circumstantial.
While feeling like a grown up and sharing a home together is one thing, I simply hadn’t considered some others. Like health insurance. I will finally have health insurance! And the possibility of sharing a bank account for bills, and what about sharing a cell phone plan? The thought of that last one makes me sweat.
13. You’re on the fence about children
I’ve made it this far without hearing the tick-tock (maybe mine is broken?) so I could really go either way on the having kids front. Part of me feels like something I’d enjoy while the other part of me insists I made it this far without them and to think of all the money I’ll save. I might be alone on this one…
14. You feel like you are part of a secret club
I started meeting chicks over 30 left and right that are engaged. Seriously, there were 2 others at a dinner I attended last week. I immediately felt like I was a part of some sort of secret society that I never thought existed. I guess more and more women are waiting until after 30 to get married now, and it’s awesome.
15. It just feels right
I love being in my 30s. It was amazing when I crossed the decade threshold because I feel so much more confident and happy with myself than ever before, not to mention I know myself so much better than I ever thought possible. When I think of marrying my amazing fiancé, I don’t feel any doubts. I don’t wish I had experienced more. I don’t think of the what-ifs of the past or question the future. If I really wanted to find out what my future holds, it’s as easy as looking at something like this comparison on peninsula daily news to find the best online psychic who can give me a reading. Many of my friends had done this when they first got married, and luckily, everything has worked out for them since. Maybe I should look into this… But that isn’t the be-all and end-all. In short, I am simply so excited to be on this ride and I know in my heart that I’m ready for the ultimate partnership.
And that feels so good.
Image credit: Shutterstock
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