After my 7 Secrets to get Your Boyfriend to Chase You Again article I now get a lot of emails with women pouring their hearts out, explaining their situations and asking for help. For answers. For…something.
And they almost always break my heart.
The thing that most don’t understand is there isn’t a magical formula. It’s more about finding the happiness within yourself and your significant other will either:
- Respond to that and start giving you the attention you’ve been craving.
or - Not respond, but your newfound happiness will make it clear you deserve better.
But you can’t actually make him love you. Every circumstance is unique and there is a big difference between a relationship in need of repair and one that might as well be over.
How to Tell If Your Relationship Just Needs Work
You’ve Been Together Longer than 6-8 Months
Sorry, but if you’re in a new relationship, there’s really no reason it should need repairing. Before the 6-month mark, you should still be in that pseudo-honeymoon phase. If you aren’t, it won’t get any better, trust me. In fact, this is as good as it’s going to get. You’re better off cutting your losses than wasting more time trying to have your needs met by someone who just isn’t going to meet them. However, if you’ve been together longer, it’s a good chance this could just be your first storm. If it is, it totally makes sense for him to be pulling away. There’s a level of uncertainty that can arise after a fight or if you’ve gotten too clingy or comfortable.
You Don’t Have Anything That Makes You Happy Besides Him
If you aren’t passionate about your work, a hobby, your fitness routine or anything that doesn’t directly relate to him—you can fix this. When your happiness is dependent on one person rather than that person being a part of your overall happiness, they’re going to naturally start to pull away from you.
If you’re living a full and happy life and your man isn’t loving you the way you want (or need), you’re probably with the wrong man. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad guy or anything. It just means that the two of you aren’t the best match.
You Aren’t Really Social
Is he your only friend? That’s a huge problem! Where did everyone go? Did you not have friends to begin with or did they fade away the further and further you fell down the boyfriend rabbit hole?
When you rely on one person for all your social interaction, one or both of you are bound to get a little stir-crazy. It’s easy to fall into this behavior when you get along really well with your man and you have similar interests, but there is truly nothing like having some outside interaction to make you appreciate your mate more.
How to Tell If It’s Not worth the Trouble
He’s Lying and/or Cheating
If he’s secretive, shady and essentially leading a double life—run. You can’t make him love you again. There is usually too much irreparable damage at this point and he doesn’t have enough respect for you to be honest with you. Love and respect go hand in hand; if you don’t have it now, it’s damn near impossible to achieve.
You’ve Tried to Make It Work. A Lot
If it seems like you’ve had this conversation multiple times and nothing has changed, it may be time to move on. I know that you want it to work, but does he? It’s easy for someone to say that they want things to get better but if they aren’t making changes or taking measurable actions it may be time to pull the ripcord.
Life outside the Relationship Is Great
If you’re doing things for you and enjoying your life outside of your relationship, it’s probably the relationship that’s the problem. Sometimes relationships just run their course. They tend to start off great but can fizzle overtime. Maybe there were things that didn’t bother you before that you can’t stand about him now. Realize this is who you both are, and if he is what’s dragging you down, you need to let him go.
He’s Controlling
If you don’t have hobbies or a social life because he won’t allow it, you’ve gotten yourself into a whole different world of problems. Controlling men will insist you stay close to them, not allow you to do much for yourself and then get fed up with your neediness. These types are the hardest to leave because not only have they isolated you from the outside world but they’ve mastered the art of pulling you in and pushing you away.
You can’t make him love you again because most of these types don’t even know what real love is to begin with.
He Isn’t Meeting Your Needs
You deserve someone who is going to give you what you need. No, I don’t mean a sort of manservant, but someone who is going to be affectionate and caring and know that when you say you need something from them, he’ll do his best to give it to you. That’s love: when you give and receive reciprocally.
Pull the Trigger
Not wanting to give up is in our nature. Remembering all the good times and conveniently forgetting the bad is, too. If you are desperate to make him love you again, you need to look deep inside yourself. You know the truth and whether you want to hear it or not, you owe it to yourself. Stop allowing someone else to hurt you. If you are unhappy, for whatever reason, you and you alone are responsible.
Image credit: Shutterstock
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