When I began writing, I wanted to make sure I always wrote with authenticity. I wanted my readers to know the personal nooks and crannies of my life. Rather than only share the good, the sunny and the fluffy stuff, I wanted to share the things that might otherwise be embarrassing. You know, the ugly stuff. So, right off the bat I told you all about why my business partnership failed. I told you about my controlling ex-boyfriend, and I shared a bit about my battle with depression. So today my little rebels, I’m going to share with you yet another personal story—why I had to bite the bullet and end a friendship.
We had been friends for approximately 16 years, so deciding to end our friendship wasn’t easy for me nor was it an impulsive decision. It’s something I’d wanted to do for a long time and even attempted on multiple occasions, only to be sucked back in and justify that since we’d been friends for so long, it was enough reason to stay the course.
But eventually enough was enough.
The Unraveling
1. She Was Stuck in High School
Not literally. In her mind she was this hot little 15 year-old everyone was intimidated by and wanted so badly for her to like them. In high school that was definitely the case. People would cry because they craved to be her friend and didn’t get why she wasn’t reciprocating the love. All the guys thought she was hot. Hell, all the girls thought she was hot. And she was. She was also a total bitch (don’t get me wrong—I definitely was at points too) which in high school, you can get away with.
Fast forward to our 30’s. She still talks about high school. A LOT. She maintains her immaturity by playing games with people rather than just talking to them. If she’s mad at you, or wants to get under someone’s skin, she’ll have her friends indirectly post about you on her Facebook and then act like you’re insane and arrogant when you confront her on it.
I had to end the friendship because I could no longer deal with the high school bullshit.
2. Her Negativity Was Suffocating
This girl was the epitome of a soul suck. You know that friend, that whenever you see their name pop up on your phone you groan because you just know it’s going to be that kind of call?
Practically 99% of our conversations were her bitching about someone or something. Or she was going through some kind of drama and needed my advice. Inevitably these conversations would last longer than an hour. They began to wear on me and so I began to avoid answering her calls.
I had to end the friendship because I could no longer deal with the negativity.
3. Excessive Drug Usage
In general, I don’t really care what other people do. I have dabbled in different drugs myself. However, if you refuse to function daily without your drugs of choice—I can’t support that.
When I was in town one day, we planned to meet for brunch and mimosas. She insisted on smoking weed beforehand and intended to pop a Xanax while we drank. I looked at her like she was insane and luckily was able to talk her out of the Xanax. This wasn’t the first conversation we’d had about her drug use. It seemed like it was always one thing or another, in large amounts and often. (She claimed it was only on the weekends).
I had to end the friendship because she blew off all my attempts to help her.
4. My Boyfriend Didn’t Like Her
My boyfriend can tolerate pretty much everyone. It’s so rare I hear him say he finds someone to be annoying; it’s pretty much the equivalent of a hyper-friendly dog freaking out and barking at someone. That person usually turns out to be a serial killer or something.
After she spent a week visiting me, he told me he couldn’t stand her and I thanked him for being so nice to her (he’s a total keeper).
I didn’t end the friendship simply because my boyfriend didn’t like her, but it was definitely something I factored into my decision.
5. She Was Incredibly Insecure
For a girl who talked about how hot and awesome she was all the time, she was incredibly insecure. She created this imaginary world around her where everyone who didn’t like her was a “hater” but then she worried incessantly about what men thought of her. She’d obsess over them and their Facebook pages. She’d change her outfit 45 times because she felt uncomfortable. If someone said something that was true (and not what SHE wanted to hear), she’d lash out.
We all have insecurities, but hers seemed to consume her.
6. I Found Myself Becoming Petty
Her constant need for attention began to grate at me. It got to the point where I couldn’t even look at her social media without rolling my eyes or getting annoyed.
The majority of her statuses were about drinking.
We get it, you’re an alcoholic. So cool.
She’d also copy and paste quotes or funny quips she’d seen elsewhere.
Wow, you are soooo clever and funny.
She posted photos of herself, from the neck up only, of course.
Hmmm another face-only selfie. Shocking.
I felt like an asshole thinking these thoughts about a friend of mine.
7. She Was Hateful
If you dared to bring an issue to her attention, you’d better watch out. While it’s absolutely normal to become defensive when people confront you or call you out, it’s quite another to call them names and say things just to hurt them. All too often when we disagreed she would go on the attack—calling me various names like “dumb bitch” and “slut.” If I was lucky she wouldn’t slander me to her friends and cajole them all to join in. And when she did, well let’s just say that was always fun to read.
I’m not one to be sensitive about being called names, but it hurts my feelings that someone I care about would intentionally hurt me. Of course later on, she’d say she was sorry. But you have no right to say whatever you want and then drop a lame “sorry” like it never happened.
I had to end the friendship because I was tired of the tiptoeing around her and the verbal abuse.
8. She Believes in One-Way Streets
I love helping others and I’m always happy to dish out advice. This girl definitely leaned on me a lot and wanted my opinion constantly. I never minded helping (though it did get annoying when she’d do the opposite of what I’d tell her). There are so few times I will reach out to friends and ask for their help. Part of it is pride, the other part is that I can usually find ways to do things on my own. So when I ask for help, I really actually need it and usually it is something pretty small that anyone could easily help with.
She blew me off. I was hurt and told her so. She took it as an insult, so I let her know exactly what I thought.
I can’t be there for someone who refuses to be there for me.
9. I Woke Up
A lot of this went on because I allowed it to. I tried to overlook the toxicity of the friendship for too long. I tried to cut things off yet then I allowed her back in. When I forgave her, it engrained that her behavior was okay, so long as she apologized.
Letting go hurts, especially when you have amazing memories together, but sometimes it’s just what you have to do in order to have a healthy life. There will always be a part of me that misses her, but the other part is so relieved that there is more room in my life for positivity. For that, I am grateful.
Have you ever had to end a friendship? What were your reasons?
Image Credit: Shutterstock
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