Since most people can’t empathize with how painful, frustrating and miserable a long distance relationship can be, they tend to say all the wrong things.
“Well, is he going to move here?”
“How do you know he’s not cheating?”
“No offense, but it probably won’t work out.”
“Aren’t you lonely? Doesn’t that like, suck?”
Which inevitably tends to make you feel more alone. Having spent a year and a half in the self-induced hell myself, I completely understand the challenges that come along with being in love with someone despite hundreds, or thousands, of miles separating you. There’s a lot of advice on how to make it work out there, and most of it is shitty and could simply apply to any old relationship. So I’m going to tell you how you can make your long distance relationship suck a little less (and maybe it will work out in the process).
9 Ways to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Suck Less
While I can’t promise it will work out the way you want it to, I can give you plenty of pointers to make it happier, and to perhaps get the most out of the experience.
Communicate Damnit!
Your long distance relationship will suck less the more you communicate. It will also make my second point (the whole trust factor) a lot easier.
When you’re in love, and distance separates you, it is borderline impossible to over communicate. You may feel like you are overbearing, but since you’re missing out on so much day-to-day stuff, it really isn’t. Since your significant other can’t be a part of your everyday life physically, keeping up with great communication is the next best thing.
While I don’t recommend texting for important conversations (the lack of tone can destroy things here), it can be a sweet nudge to the other person that you’re thinking of them. See something they’d think was funny? Did something remind you of them? Tell them. They’ll love being thought of and present in your mind. Words are a huge part of making somebody feel loved, safe, secure, and understood in a long distance relationship so use them often. Every type of relationship is going to be hard though, so if you’re worrying that not everything perfect then it’s okay. Things will get tough, and doing a long distance relationship will certainly mean that things will be tougher. If you want to learn more then you can check out this relationship advice for women here.
Trust and Be Trustworthy
This is the most important and the most obvious thing you can do. You need to be trustworthy in your actions while away from your partner and know that they’re doing the same. If you can’t trust your partner then you should probably reconsider a long distance relationship, because you two have way more issues to deal with than just being apart.
This is another key area where communication comes in. You need to be open about how you feel about each other and know exactly where you stand. It needs to be made clear that if either person wanted to be with someone else-they would be.
You have to believe what they say, and that they are where they say they are. You don’t have much more to go on than their word, so you need to take it. Otherwise, you’ll drive yourself totally nuts.
Jealousy is ugly-but also natural. It’s going to happen, and hopefully it’ll come in small doses. When you can’t be there for important events, be understanding that jealousy will creep up. The key is to remember that you love and trust each other and not to let petty instances drive a wedge between you.
If for some reason the lack of trust on either side is justifiable (one of you has cheated or lied), you’re pretty much on a sinking ship.
Have a Routine
Keep in mind that the distance will fuck with you. You’ll create scenarios in your head of things what are never, and would never happen. You’ll take things that are said and done the wrong way. You’ll get mad over dumb shit. Keep up the communicating and don’t let that happen.
If you have a regular phone or Skype “date”– keep it. All couples need some sort of a routine and breaking the routine without warning could upset the other person, even if that wasn’t your intention. Being mad at each other for even just one night when you have all that physical space between you, can make things seem 1000 times worse than being mad at them when they’re just in the other room.
Support Each Other
Is the distance because of them? Is it their career or their family’s location keeping you two apart? I can’t stress enough that you need to support them in what they’re doing. They already may feel guilty for being pulled away from you, so harping on that is going to make things worse because they are already sensitive to it.
And if you don’t support them-they could very well find someone who will.
If you’re the reason for the distance, then it’ll help if you’re more understanding of where the other person is coming from. If they make a comment about how much it sucks that you can’t visit more often or something like that-then realize they aren’t intending to lash out at you or induce a guilt trip. It’s important to vent frustrations and remember you can still be supportive while being frustrated with the overall situation.
Plan Ahead
A relationship can’t survive over the telephone alone, so you should (obviously) try to see each other as much as possible, and as often as your budgets will allow. Try to figure out the dates of the next visit as soon as you can so you both can have something to look forward to. Plan something sexy as well. Adding some toonsex.xxx (https://www.toonsex.xxx/) videos can help you brainstorm some sexy ideas to make your dates more interesting.
When you do get to visit, make the most of your time together. I would suggest doing the things you both enjoy but don’t feel like you have to fill every second with non-stop fun. Sure it’s nice to go out for meals, and hang with friends, but sitting on the couch and doing nothing but just being content together is nice, too. Basically, try to do what “normal” couples would do together.
If it’s feasible, try throwing in a vacation, mini-trip or weekend getaway somewhere that isn’t your place or theirs. The memories, experience, and photos will help to push the relationship along.
The most important thing while visiting is to stay in the moment. Enjoy their presence and try not to think about how they will be gone in a few days. I know, it’s so hard to do-but trust me, it makes it a lot easier.
Keep it Spicy
Depending on the relationship and the level of comfort you have, its necessary to keep a spark going in creative ways. In the world of long distance relationships this is more like a slow burn since you can’t satisfy your every sexual desire with your significant other physically.
Sexting, phone sex, emailing sexy photos and utilizing your web cams are all ways to bridge the distance and keep the flame hot. I know some people struggle with phone sex as they feel awkward and uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, if this is the case for you then why not both watch the same adult video at the same time, such as one from hdpornt, this should then definitely give you something hot and steamy to talk about and even get you to feel more comfortable and less awkward, hopefully comfortable enough for you both to engage in phone sex. If there’s something you’d like them to do for you-then ask! Keep your mind open if they ask you for things as well. Sometimes you need to do what you can to make your man happy.
You will obviously need to make sure that when you do get to see each other you have plenty of sex.
Eliminate Negativity
You know all the people that say dumb shit about your relationship and put negative ideas in your head? Yeah. Stop hanging out with those assholes.
Have a Life
Do not, I repeat, do not live and die by your phone. Having a life of your own and keeping busy will keep your mind off the ache in your heart.
There is something so amazing about being attached but also getting to be solo and independent the majority of the time. You’re forced to get comfortable being alone and whether the relationship works out or not, the strength you will gain from it is invaluable. Do not let this opportunity go to waste.
Have a Light
Is there a light at the end of your long distance relationship tunnel? Or maybe it’s still a bit fuzzy? Discuss a possible solution. Are you eventually willing to move there or vice versa? Is this just a temporary situation? The more you talk about your future together and the things you desire for your future as a couple, the less the current situation will take a toll on your relationship.
If you have something you are striving towards together– a common goal, rather than allowing your relationship to flail without direction– it will help to bring you closer and make the time apart easier.
Mine Didn’t Work
But that’s okay. As awful as the distance was, it’s not what broke us up. There were plenty of things that would have made it run its course much sooner, had the relationship been a “normal” one. If you’re unhappy in your long distance marriage, you should contact Chicago Divorce Lawyer to get help and advice with next steps.
While the relationship wasn’t the right one for me, I can’t even begin to explain all the benefits I’m still reaping from it today. For example, there are situations in my current relationship that might have upset me had I not gone through the long distance relationship. I am stronger, more confident and more knowing of what I want in both life and love … And I have 800 miles or so to thank for it.
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Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What are your tips to make it suck less?
Image credit: Shutterstock
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