When you love someone, whether the person is a friend, family member or significant other, he or she has the ability to piss us off. Sometimes, this particular person is able to piss us off like no one else can. Understand that I don’t mean deeply hurt us, or betray us; rather, I’m referring to the really annoying shit that people we love do.

Rather than simmer in my anger or annoyance, there’s something I do to make me feel better faster:

I do something nice for him or her.

Yes, I know. It doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense, but when I want to slap someone I love upside the head, I’ll bake them a cake. Or make a nice dinner. Or pick up something at the store that they mentioned they wanted. For example, the other day I was pretty aggravated at my boyfriend, so when I passed by the Dunkin’ Donuts, I picked him up a cookie dough flavored donut, because he’d said how he’d wanted to try it.

And because I’m a nice fucking girlfriend.

Why This Works

1. When you do something nice for someone else, it automatically makes you feel good.
2. When you feel good for doing something nice for someone, those feelings are passed on to the receiver of the gesture.
3. When the receiver happens to be the person you’re annoyed with, your mind has a quick internal battle, but the nice feelings (usually) win out.
4. If the person knows you’re annoyed with him (I’m using my boyfriend as an example) and you do something nice for him instead, he tends to apologize and/or accept it as an apology from you.
5. If he doesn’t know you’re annoyed, the act helps you to move on.
6. It takes your mind off the anger/annoyance. You already love him so of course you’d rather not be mad.

This Won’t Work If

1. You enjoy holding grudges.
2. The person did something really, really awful.
3. The reason you’re annoyed with them is because you’re tired of always doing things for them without reciprocation.

So next time your boyfriend makes a mess of your house or your sister flakes on your lunch date (again), try doing something nice for the person, and see if you have an easier time coming back around.

Image credit: Shutterstock

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Chrystal Rose

Chrystal is a Self Love Life Coach, Breathwork facilitator the creator of Rebellia - A clothing boutique for athletic women.Chrystal loves traveling, lifting weights, spending time with her husband & pups and is on a mission to help as many women as possible love themselves. Want to say hi? Hit her up on any of her social media outlets under @xtalrose

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