Here’s the truth: I did not like being young. I was perpetually restless, jumping through hoops and windows and eyes. I did not yet know my worth. I did not know how to harness my passion. I was like a three ring circus: all fire and tightrope and makeup, never knowing when to close. It was exhausting. Take me back 10-20 years and I would pray to be catapulted into the woman I am today. This is the gift of time that I will never take for granted. We earn ourselves one way or another as the years go by.
I notice the aging, the difference in my body and in my face. But what I notice most is the difference in my capacity. My capacity for love, for forgiveness, for stillness, and for grace has expanded. My capacity to get up after failure, to not take it personally, to keep moving forward, to let it go, to break free, and to know what is truly important has grown vast. I am deliberate and I am focused. I will not waste your time or mine. When I enter a room that you are in, I will try to make it brighter and from you, I desire the same. Reciprocity. It is a beautiful word and way to live.
With each passing year, as I grow more and more into the person I know I am, I am thankful. This becoming is a lighthouse. A shot in the dark. My wrinkles are forming and my soul is growing so large that this wild world will not distract me. I will not be taken from my path, these feet will not wander. I will not listen to nonsense, my ears acute and tender. I will take however many years I have left and bouquet them into blossoms so bright that my own neck will turn with fever. I will remember, with deep respect and love, that my days are numbered.