You know when it feels like life is playing tug-o-war with you? Or, maybe it feels like you’re doing Annie (for you non-crossfitters that’s 50-40-30-20 and 10 rep rounds of double-unders (skipping) and sit-ups) in the desert. Basically, you feel like you’re dying. You’re challenged beyond measure and it doesn’t seem like that light at the end of the tunnel is comin’ up anytime soon.
So what do you do?
Well, what most people do is they either bitch and moan or they hold it all in. Neither is healthy.
For a healthy body and mind, it’s crucial that we approach hard emotions in the “right” way.
Okay, wise-chick, what’s the right way?
I’m glad you asked.
Whenever we’re being asked to step up in our lives, we’re going to go through moments that test us. And to go through those challenges as gracefully as possible we need to learn to communicate better. Firstly with ourselves and secondly, with those involved.
Conflict arises because people either throw blame or they shut down and don’t express what they truly feel.
The low down for The Shut Downers
The issue with shutting down is that all that energy is then pent up in your body. It breeds anxiety, angst, anger, confusion and complication. And, while the emotions may pass and you may think you got away from facing the issue at hand (because you’ve suppressed it all) — well my dear, that sh*t is going to rise to the surface at some point in the future. It will continue to rise up and you may experience similar circumstances over again, or you may find yourself in another predicament but the feelings are the same.
Emotions surface to be expressed. Our modern day world doesn’t tell us that though. It blatantly says experiencing something other than happiness is wrong. Quick fixes and solutions are accessible via Google in seconds. Thing is, these promising deals are pretty little lies. They will not make you happy. In fact, they broadcast that what you’re feeling is WRONG.
Attention: The Blurters
Now, if you have no trouble expressing yourself but do so on repeat (so much that your training partner/BFF wants to slap you) you need to check yourself. If you haven’t quite mastered the delivery of expressing how you feel…this applies to you.
Great and effective communication is not about blame, it’s not about making someone else wrong. Yes, it’s about you and how you feel in the given situation, however, for the ones who run blindly into conflict without fear, just stop a minute. STOP. Breathe. Before you deliver your verbal diatribe, consider how you’re about to phrase it.
The best way to deliver any sort of message around how you feel or how another’s actions/words have made you feel is as follows:
“You know, when you said _________ it triggered me and made me feel like you don’t consider my feelings before making plans.”
“When you went to the ____________ and didn’t let me know, it felt to me that I don’t matter. That’s how I felt but maybe you could help me see it from your perspective?”
“I felt really hurt when you said you wouldn’t come to my____________ because as someone close to me, I was hoping you could be there as support. Is that what you intended?”
“When you told me that I don’t make an effort, I felt ___________ because I often contribute ___________ and I thought that was okay with you. Can you help me understand it more from your perspective?”
These are just some examples you can use (despite your communication style —The Blurters and The Shut Down crew) to get it off your chest and build stronger relationships in your life.