You want the kind of relationship love songs are made of. You want to be the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thought on his brain before he falls asleep. You don’t want him to spend a millisecond thinking about another woman. You want your man to see you, and only you. You want to be the best he’s ever had.
It’s a simple formula really, but sometimes we are so wrapped up in what we want, we fail to give our man what he needs. As I’ve stated in several of my articles, men are reactive when it comes to us. We set the stage and they follow suit. In order to get what we want, it starts with giving him what he needs.
3 Steps to Being the Best He’ll Ever Have
Let Him Be
I always knew how to make men feel good, but it took me awhile to pinpoint exactly what it was that made a difference. I allowed them to be themselves. I liked who they were and I never tried to make them into something they weren’t.
When you fall for a man, you fall for him at the core. The man he is inside. All too often women view men as a project. Like a new home that requires some renovations—charming, but a real fixer upper!
There’s a difference between changing things he does and changing who he is. Communication issues, intimacy requests, compromises—that’s not what I’m talking about. In a relationship, two people will always need to make some changes in order to live harmoniously. These kinds of changes however, need to come from within the individual. We change things about ourselves because we want to be better for ourselves, and our partner.
What I mean is, you do not get to alter his personality. You do not get to dictate his future. You can’t try to change his quirks. If you hate what he does for work—too bad. Especially, if it’s something he’s passionate about.
Something amazing happens when you let a man truly be who he is.
He breathes a little easier. He no longer flinches when he’s doing those things that annoyed past girlfriends, because even if it annoys you, you allow him to have it. You allow him to keep the parts of himself that make him, him. And he will love you for that. He will love you so much more than you thought possible—all for just accepting him for who he is; for loving him despite his flaws—not in spite of them. It won’t take long before he views you as the best. The very best he’s ever had.
Love Him at His Best
When he has a win, it’s your win. Be his cheerleader, support his dreams and when he does something awesome, tell him how proud of him you are. Men will always have an innate need to be appreciated, celebrated and have their ego stroked.
If you want to be the best he’s ever had, you better get on board with this. You want someone to cheer you on right? You want your share of “Atta girls” and “I’m so proud of you’s” don’t you? Then you need to give them. Whether you think it’s a big deal or not, you need to.
Letting him know how much you appreciate him, his efforts around the house, with you, at work—never let these things seemingly go unnoticed. When he does something for you, thank him.
Remove all expectations you have on him, the things you think he should do or the things he’s supposed to do, and thank him for them.
Most men will never flat out ask you for an ego boost or a pick me up. They won’t fish for compliments, but they need them and want them just like you do. So give him what he needs, you’ll be surprised how quickly he reciprocates.
Love Him Harder at His Worst
There are times in your man’s life where he’s going to fall and you won’t be able to stop him. You may or may not see it coming, but he’s bound to hit some lows. (I don’t mean if you’re being treated badly. If your man has a habit of mentally, emotionally or physically abusing you—that’s never okay.) What I mean is when your man, the man you love and have accepted for who he is, suddenly changes and you no longer recognize him. Usually, this happens as a result of something major.
An example would be suffering a loss of some sort. It tends to be more difficult for men to express themselves and their feelings, so they clam up. If he loses his job, he may be feeling like a failure. If he loses a family member he may feel guilt around it. The important thing is not to push him too hard. There’s a fine line between letting him wallow in his misery and forcing the issue.
This is where you love him fiercely all while allowing him to be where he’s at emotionally. Listening to what he chooses to tell you is important. It may not be what you want to hear, or what you think he should be talking about, but you need to listen regardless. Nudge him when you think he needs it. Build him up and help him find his confidence.
You may question whether or not you should leave him, but this is not the time to make things about your relationship. It’s about him. If he has a bad day and snaps at you, it’s about him, not you. Let him know that talking to you that way isn’t cool, and then move on. Don’t hold grudges against him. Help him through whatever it is, even though you may not understand it.
I promise, when you come out the other side, you’ll most definitely be the best he’s ever had.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
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