I’ve dated a lot of different men over the years. I’ve had some long-term relationships and enjoyed the single life as well. While I’m pretty confident I’ve found lasting love, it’s fun to entertain the idea of being single again. Of course, I don’t daydream about the kind of guys I would date if I were single. Nope. Instead, I like to think about the kind of guys I’d stay really, really far away from.
Men I Wouldn’t Date If I Were Single
I know what you’re thinking—as an entrepreneur myself, wouldn’t it be amazing dating someone like-minded, be a “power couple” and all that businessy stuff?
Absolutely not. In fact, hell to the no. While it’s really nice to be glued to my phone and not feel a speck of guilt (because he is too), it’s just way too exhausting. We’d never stop talking about business. I know this, because work is my favorite thing to talk about and I wouldn’t be able to resist picking his brain. All. The. Time. For the sake of my sanity, I need to turn off. Sometimes, that turning off is hearing about someone else’s entirely different day,
So while we’d get along just fine, the entrepreneurial man is just a guy I couldn’t date.
The “Nice Guy”
I’ve come to the conclusion over the years that self-proclaimed “nice guys” aren’t really all that nice and real nice guys don’t talk about how nice they are, they just are. Most “nice guys” are just passive aggressive doormats that have zero respect for themselves. Worse is that if you upset them, they hold in their feelings just to let it all out when you least expect it. These guys are loose cannons. Not to mention they think that you owe them your love/time/vagina because they’ve been soooo nice to you.
Sorry, but I’d rather let it all dry up down there as a single girl, or date a d-bag, than one of these sad puppies. At least the douchebag is real.
The Cheap Guy
I can pay my own way thank you very much, but the sound of someone complaining about how expensive this is, or how much he had to pay for that, is enough to drive me up the wall.
Guess what? Shit costs money and I don’t fucking care how much you spent on me or how much dinner was. If you have to talk about it—I don’t want it anyway.
I like generous men. The kind of man who will help someone out, or throw a party for a friend, and not bat an eyelash in regards to how much it will set him back. Generous, not careless. And no, generous doesn’t mean spending the money and then complaining later about how much it cost.
The Baby’s Daddy
I’m not talking about a man with children from a previous marriage, I can absolutely get down with that. I mean the guy who actually has a baby or a young child with another woman. Maybe this woman hasn’t yet let go, maybe he hasn’t yet let go of her – either way it’s a pretty messy recipe.
Your child needs to be the most important item on your priority list, and if you’re worried about me more than you’re concerned with paying your child support, or taking your kid so your baby’s momma can get a night or two off, it just won’t work.
The Grown Up Child
Ugh. This guy. This guy comes in a few different forms but he’s really the same guy. While I wholeheartedly believe that all men are just hairy 5-year-olds with bigger, faster and more expensive toys, this guy has built a reality on it.
He’s the guy a little too old to be ‘up in da club’ on a Tuesday night.
He’s the guy who is a “full time music producer and artist” when he couldn’t land a gig somewhere legitimate to save his life.
He’s the guy that still lives at home after age 25 so he can “figure his life out”.
I know this guy, I dated this guy and I’d never go for round two. He’s all fun and games until the smoke and mirrors dissipate.
The Separated Guy
Just no. And I don’t give a shit if it was your idea and you’re working towards a divorce or whatever. These guys have absolutely no idea what they want. They want to whore it up and yet also want someone to take care of them wifey-style because they’ve had that for so long.
Whatever the case may be, I am neither one of those women.
Luckily (or unluckily?), I’ve dated one of these guys and can practically smell the red flags as they appear. This guy is sneaky, manipulative, seductive and oh so good at what he does. While the intensity and drama is exciting for some people, you can count me out. I am wary of the guy who seems too good to be true and falls too fast. I also am not an object to be possessed, so that’s where I think I fall a little short for these guys.
Out of all the men I’d never date if I were single, he’s the one I would most keep an eye out for (and then start running in the opposite direction from).
The Young Guy
I have a sweet, soft spot in my heart for the young ones. In fact, every guy that I’ve ever been in a relationship with has been 24 in the first year that we dated—regardless of my age. Apparently, I have a thing for 24. While old habits die hard, I’m now in my 30s and a 24 year old simply just can’t give me what I need (which is a few more years of experience under his belt).
24 is a great age. It’s where men find the beginnings of getting their shit together. I love being a part of the process, but at this point, I much prefer a guy who already has his shit together.
So while I simply love young guys, if I were single again, I just couldn’t date them.
The “Ticket Holder”
This guy sort of breaks my heart. This is the guy that currently has a crush on me and would like nothing more than for me to break up with my current boyfriend and give them a shot.
Disclaimer: No, I’m not being arrogant. There are plenty of guys that have asked to be alerted when: you break up with your boyfriend, are single again, blah, blah, blah. No, I do not believe that they are writing my name in hearts on their notebooks or anything, but I do know that if we both happened to be single and I gave them a chance, they’d be all over it.
With that said, no matter how great these guys are, I just couldn’t date them if I were single again.
Look, I’m the kind of girl who knows what she wants, and if I thought for a second there was another guy out there for me—well then, I’d be single, wouldn’t I?
Do you agree with this list? What guys would you not date if you were single?
Image credit: Shutterstock
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