Maybe you’ve been together awhile and it’s starting to feel like you’re just best buds, or roommates. Maybe you’re fighting all the time and you don’t know why. Maybe you’re not having as much sex as you should be; which is a problem that could be solved by trying to spice it up in the bedroom. One way of doing this could be using websites like https://www.atube.sex/ to help the both of you become more sexually aroused around each other. Or maybe you know he loves you, but you can tell he’s just not in love with you.
That’s a realization that hurts, but the sooner you realize there’s a problem, the sooner you can fix it.
We all know relationships take work in order to, well, work. And despite what many people think, they aren’t linear. A relationship has many ups and downs, successes and failures. While some people’s relationships may appear perfect, they simply just appear that way. When two people love each other, there are many obstacles to overcome, both internal to the relationship and external.
Whether you’re at the height of an obstacle or just coasting through a lull, I’m going to give you some tips to make him fall in love with you all over again.
Make Him Fall in Love
Like it or not, women control the actions and reactions that occur in a relationship. As much as we wish men would be proactive-they just aren’t wired that way. This is why we nag. We nag because we want them to do something on their own, rather than us having to tell them to. They might improve, they might have sporadic moments of proactive chore participation, but all in all they just aren’t that way.
The same goes for things they do that you don’t like. As annoying, frustrating and infuriating as it can be, their actions are generally a reaction to you.
This may confuse you or even piss you off because you can’t see how, but essentially we are the barometers. We are the measurement of “pressure” in a relationship.
Think about it. You know those days where you are snippy because you’re pissed, whether it’s at him or someone else- how does he respond? And when you’re having a great day and feel happy- how does he respond to that? Normally, your mood will affect his, either negatively or positively.
All I’m asking here is that you look at yourself first. Do a check on yourself, assess whether your moods have been negative, if you’ve shown him frustration or if you’ve given him shit for things. Focus on becoming more positive in all aspects of your life and he’ll respond similarly.
A relationship feels straight up shitty if you’re fighting all the time. I used to actively engage in fights. I’d cry, scream, be overdramatic, egg him on, be sarcastic, completely shut down-whatever it took. I ran the gamut with war tactics and to me that’s what it was; war. I wanted to be right, I wanted to win and I wasn’t going to back down.
Now I’ve noticed that I now take a much calmer and incredibly mature approach to arguments. I stop them before they become full-blown fights. How do I do it? I take a step back. I use things that us women tend to forget about when we’re overcome with emotion: logic and reason.
When my man and I start to argue, I remain calm. When he makes a point, I repeat what I heard. Now mind you, it may not actually be what he said, or what he meant, but it’s what I heard. Here’s where logic and reason come in. If I spit back what I feel he said, and he says, “You’re twisting my words!” I calmly reply, “I’m not twisting your words, I’m telling you what I heard. If I’m wrong, or you meant it another way, please correct me.” The key here is being calm. If you freak out, he freaks out and all hell breaks loose.
In an argument, I also reiterate that we’re partners on the same team and there’s no one keeping score. You aren’t getting points for put-downs, high decibels or even a valid opinion. All an argument should be is a discussion where two people are doing their best to communicate where they’re coming from.
Slow it down, stay calm and if he starts to yell or name call-end the conversation. Don’t be bitchy about it, simply state that the convo should continue when you both can talk to each other civilly.
I assure you, making this 180-degree change will drastically improve the state of your union and once you (truly) resolve something-not bringing it up again will help wonders as well.
Shake Up the Routine
Maybe you aren’t fighting but you’re stuck in a rut, a situation lacking passion that you just don’t know how to rekindle. Again, it starts with you.
Are you having sex? I shouldn’t have to even write this, but sex is so important to your relationship. You can just look at videos from a website like www.hdpornvideo.xxx if you need any reassurance that sex is the basis of any healthy relationship. If you aren’t having sex, ask yourself why. Does he not seem interested? Have you stopped initiating? Has he? Is it because you’re too busy?
Figure out the reason and put a plan into action. Yes, it’s very easy to wear sweatpants all the time and rock a pony without makeup. Men are visual creatures and need some sex appeal now and then. I know you have it, so show it! If you’re too busy, make time. You don’t need to physically pencil him on your calendar but find a 20-minute block and jump his bones. There are also some helpful hints you can use to make sure those 20 minutes are excellent!
If you find yourself not wanting sex, again, ask yourself why. Like I said, sex is imperative so figure out what’s gluing your knees together and work on resolving it. Talk to him. Sex should be an open subject no matter what the issue.
If you are regularly having sex and it’s become so routine you have the choreography down pat, try introducing new things into the bedroom. A new position, buying some fun lube or a new (non-intimidating) sex toy like those you can buy from lustplugs can completely change things up. Have sex in a different room or go down on him when he least expects it. An exciting sex life will flow into the rest of the relationship.
Besides sex, try doing some new things together. Take a CrossFit class, learn to scuba dive, go to an art show or try a new recipe to cook together. When a couple experiences something together, the bond between them will tighten. Especially if the new encounter is thrilling and adrenaline-pumping.
Give Him Space and Get a Life
These two points are similar yet very different. First, giving him space doesn’t just mean physically. If you ask a bunch of questions the moment he walks in the door, if you text him all day, require him to check-in, or don’t allow him to do certain things or go certain places; you are slowly suffocating him.
Give him room to be his own person. If he gives you attention but would also like to go do things with his friends once in awhile, shut your mouth and “let him” without acting like you’re allowing him to. He’s a man, not a beast who needs to be kept in a cage and monitored. If he’s trustworthy, trust him. If he’s not, then why the hell are you with him to begin with?
Now get a life. Your world shouldn’t center on him. Chances are you’re a complex being with passions and interests outside of your relationship. Go pursue them. Hang with friends and visit places without him. He’ll admire your independence and in turn, the two of you will become closer.
I always say you can hold more sand in an open palm than in a closed fist, so hold him with an open palm. Don’t squeeze the life out of him.
When to Dump Him
Let me make one thing clear: If he was a “good guy” during the first few months of your relationship and is now disrespectful, a liar, a cheater or a control freak that tells you what to do-none of these tips will work. The relationship is either beyond damaged or he wasn’t who he made himself out to be. Dump him.
You can’t make someone love you or chase you if they aren’t willing. But if the love is already there, rekindling it might take a little work, but it’s definitely possible.
How do you keep your relationship from being stuck in a rut? Share your tips and tricks with us!
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