You know when you have an inner monologue battle with yourself about something really serious and important like whether or not you should workout or just take a nap for the rest of eternity? Yeah, me too. It happens about once a day. You’re not alone.
Thoughts I Have Before Working Out
1. I should workout today.
2. Ugh, but I don’t want to!!!
3. There are so many things I’d way rather do. Like vomit into my own lap in an alley.
4. I’ll probably feel really good if I do workout though. Because of those endorphins or whatever. It’s like Elle Woods said in Legally Blonde, “People with endorphins don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.”
5. Oooh, I should watch Legally Blonde.
6. I’ll work out after that.
7. I’ll definitely need some snacks to go along with my movie viewing. It all works out because I’ll burn off the calories later when I’m working out.
8. I better go raid the fridge.
9. Alright, I’ve got a jar of peanut butter, a really old beer and moldy bread. Perfect, I’ll just grab that peanut butter and a spoon.
10. Omg, I just single-handedly ate an entire jar of peanut butter to my face.
11. I’ll have to workout extra hard to burn that off.
12. Ugh, that sounds exhausting. I’m exhausted. I’m always exhasuted. Maybe I have mono. Again.
13. I’ll Google “mono symptoms.”
14. Yup, I totally have mono, according to WebMd.
15. I better call my mom and tell her.
16. So, my mom says I don’t have mono. But I probably shouldn’t push myself too hard, just in case I do. That’s how you rupture your spleen.
17. I’ll Google image “ruptured spleens.”
18. Holy shit, I never want to leave my bed again. I could rupture my spleen! This is horrifying. I should definitely not move for the rest of the day.
19. Okay, so today I rest, and tomorrow I start working out.
20. Today is my last day before I start getting into shape, so I better eat as much as possible while I still can. Back to the fridge it is.
That’s basically how it goes, give or take. See you at the gym tomorrow. Maybe. We’ll see.
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