Romantic comedies get a bad rap. Sure they’re kind of like the grown-up version of fairy tales we had shoved down our throats as a kid, and they certainly aren’t incredibly realistic. Sometimes they insult our intelligence and other times we might feel like they ruin our lives, but if you take a step back and appreciate them for what they are, you can learn a lot about relationships.
The Secrets to a Great Relationship
Relationship Secret #1: Love someone for their flaws not in spite of them
You know how in all those romantic comedies the main characters are kind of quirky, clumsy and at times downright awkward? Usually, someone finds them to be totally adorable and fall in love. Awww.
While real life flaws may not be as cute as the quirks in romantic comedies: You have flaws. Your partner has flaws. It’s inevitable.
Maybe he loves how you wrinkle your nose when you say certain words and maybe you love that he clears his throat before saying, “I love you.” Maybe they aren’t all that cute and you procrastinate on important things and he forgets to reply to texts while he’s at work. Whatever. Whether they start off cute and morph into annoying—or they just start out that way—don’t let them bother you. It’s petty. Yes, you might find them incredibly irritating at points but those are the parts that make up the other person.
Accept the person for the full package they are and love the shit out of them for it.
Relationship Secret #2: Head over heels is possible—and something to strive for
Romantic comedies are all about ideals, when the two fall in love—it’s never just the, “Eh, I’ll settle for you,” kind of love, that’s normally the first guy they’re with or the guy they think they’re supposed to be with. It’s the “Ohmygod, where have you been all my life, all I ever needed was you, you complete me, you had me at hello, let’s never stop kissing, touching, making love, our future looks so bright as long as we’re together, we have it all, ohmygod it’s the best thing everrrrr,” kind of love.
Who the fuck doesn’t want that?
It’s possible. That kind of love exists. I know because I have it. I know because I’ve seen others who have it. Why settle for less when that’s out there? How can you say someone is a “nice enough” guy so you’re planning to marry him when the possibility of a heart stopping total keeper is out there?
You should be fucking blissful and no I’m not saying it should be perfect 100% of the time, but more often than not, it should be no less than great.
Relationship Secret #3: If you close the door he wants to fight for you (but he won’t)
In those romantic comedies, after a fight, a misunderstanding or a great big lie blows up in someone’s face, the couple separates. And they are both miserable.
When he realizes he might lose her forever because of his stupidity/stubbornness, the guy is always chasing down a train, trying to catch her at the airport, showing up at a wedding (hers or a friend’s) or making some sort of a grand gesture that will show her (and everyone else around) that he loves her and is willing to fight for her.
Pffttt. Okay, there is like a 1% chance this will happen in real life. No matter how sad a man is that you’ve left him or shut the door on your relationship, he will not chase after you. Especially, if it’s because of something he did. If you close the door, he wants you to be the one to open it. No guy is going to risk looking like an asshole to chase you down, if you are only going to reject him.
So if you want him back, even if he’s the one who did wrong, you have to be the one to open the door and let him know it’s okay to walk back through. If you’re getting on any sort of transportation—don’t expect him to come stop you. He won’t.
Relationship Secret #4: Nice guys don’t always finish last
I get so pissed off when I hear guys talk about how they “don’t get anywhere” being a nice guy and that they should just go be a douchebag because those guys get all the girls.
Newsflash: Those guys get all the damaged girls or they are just straight sociopaths and know how to suck in a great woman only to break them down. Do you really want to be either of those guys?? Doubt it. Granted no woman wants a guy without a backbone. Letting her walk all over you doesn’t make you a “nice guy” it makes you a guy that will put up with her bullshit, become resentful of her, and end up without her because you mistook not having respect for yourself and boundaries for being nice. That’s not nice.
And girls, you know that guy. That sweet, dependable, slightly nerdy guy that maybe hasn’t asked you out yet because he’s scared to death of you? Or maybe you friend-zoned him? Yeah, that guy. Why not give him a chance?
A lot of these asshole guys know how to be sweet when they want something. Don’t be fooled into thinking that “you bring it out in them” or that you can change them. If you seriously believe that, you probably need more help than I can offer.
Relationship Secret #5: Your “list” sucks and should be thrown away
It irritates me beyond belief when a woman has a list of items that make up her ideal guy and refuses to settle for less. Sweetie. You need to get a grip and toss your list. If a guy is 5’10 instead of 6 feet, or has brown eyes instead of blue and you discard him—you’re being ridiculous. Deviating from your list isn’t settling.
How many times in romantic comedies have we seen the girl end up with some guy that’s soooo not her type? And it works? That’s not just for the movies, babe. That kind of shit can happen in real life, too. It certainly happened to me (not that I had a list, I’d always just envisioned myself ending up with a certain type).
You may prefer a tall man, with green eyes that can play the violin and went to law school… and end up with an average height man with blue eyes, that is excellent at math and went to tech school.
As much as you’d like to, you can’t control whom you love. You don’t choose them. When it’s real, it’s almost like they happen to you. If you refuse to budge from your list you could very well end up disappointed and alone.
Relationship Secret #6: You should say all those unsaid things
There are so many times in romantic comedies where if he just told her he loves her, or if she just admitted she was wrong—everything would be okay. Of course, there wouldn’t be a movie half the time if they did that, but that’s sort of the point.
Our lives aren’t movies, they aren’t perfect and every relationship or great love won’t always end happily ever after. We have a better chance of lasting love if we’re honest, if we don’t hold back, and if we have found a partner that is on a similar wavelength.
Sometimes, we’re afraid to share our feelings because they might not be reciprocated. Sometimes we’ve been hurt in the past so it makes loving, trusting, and forgiving difficult for us. Learn to push past those fears and embrace the truth—no matter what. Your feelings are your truth and should be expressed regardless of what you think the other person feels or may not feel.
What relationship secrets can you pull from romantic comedies? Do you agree with this list?
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