When we fall in love, or even into some intense like, it can be tempting to want to do things for a man we otherwise wouldn’t. Let’s be honest, oxytocin makes us a bit stupid and despite all the mantras we hear to “just be yourself!”, we can make justifications. Especially, if he’s asking for something we don’t see as a big deal—but I can assure you, doing any of these this, is most certainly a big deal.
Things You Should Never Do For a Man
Dumb Yourself Down
The truth is, any quality guy does not want a dumb girl. They just don’t. You might be pretty to look at, but beyond that men need some intelligence and humor to continue to be stimulated (and eventually fall in love). So if you think playing dumb will make you look cuter, it might at first but it will get old real quick.
If you’re worried about your intelligence intimidating him, that’s another issue in itself. It’s true that some men are intimidated by smart women. It may even hurt their ego to feel like you could possibly be smarter than them. But if that’s the case, you should trash the dude and run.
You should never dumb yourself down for a man, especially if he wants you to.
Change Your Looks
I’ve heard so much bullshit lately of men telling their chicks things like, “I don’t want you that way,” “I don’t like your hair short so don’t cut it” and “Don’t get too muscular/skinny/fat.”
You know what I say to that? Fuck that and fuck them!
It’s hard enough being a woman and feeling secure in our own skin. For many of us it takes years and years of work. So having a man tell you what to do and what not to do with your looks is utterly ridiculous. You are not their own little personal doll to mold into what they like.
Look good for yourself. Change or keep your appearance for yourself. Being confident in your looks is sexier than how you actually look, and quality men will agree. Sure everyone has their own preferences, but most men would say that you could have green hair and if you’re confident, they’d be cool with it.
But really it doesn’t matter, as long as you are truly happy with yourself you should never change your looks for a man.
Pretend to Be into Things You Aren’t
I know this can be tempting especially when you first start dating a guy. Maybe he tells you all about his dog that he loves so much, how his favorite activity is camping and his favorite show is House of Cards, while you’re allergic to dogs, despise the outdoors and have never seen an episode. Do NOT pretend to love the things he does when you don’t. Not only will he catch you sooner or later, you may be faced with having to own up to it yourself (most likely in a super embarrassing way).
There’s nothing wrong with taking an interest and being open to trying new things though, and that’s totally different. Maybe you’ve never seen his favorite show, so you’re open to checking it out. Or you tell him you have always hated camping but would be willing to try it with some compromises. You can also expose him to new experiences by introducing him to things you like and are passionate about as well.
And if you hate these things after trying it? Well, now you know and he can’t blame you since you at least tried. You don’t have to be into all the same things, it’s totally fine to have separate interests and hobbies. If anything, having those separate experiences make it so the time you are together is that much more enjoyable.
Being your true, authentic self will always trump pretending you’re into things that you aren’t.
Miss an Opportunity
This strikes a personal chord with me because I’ve missed out on a couple of fantastic opportunities because of, or for a man. And if there are any regrets in my soul, those would be it.
Maybe it’s a career opportunity that would take you out of state or even out of the country. Maybe it’s something you need to dedicate an insane amount of hours to. Regardless of what, you can either figure out how to make it work with the dude you’re with—or you drop them. If they support you and want to be with you, they’ll make sacrifices or put forth the effort. If not, why would you want to be with someone who won’t? Wouldn’t you do the same for them? What you think is love, may not be, and rather than figuring it out while you better yourself, you may find it out after missing out. And that sucks.
A guy who likes you or even loves you is much easier to come by than a shining opportunity. Take the opportunity, it most likely won’t come around again.
Dull Your Shine
I once had a man tell me that the sound of my laughter annoyed him. Not the laugh itself (I promise I don’t sound like a horse or a seal or anything) but just the fact that I would laugh. The fact that there was a sliver of joy that he hadn’t yet snuffed out, making its way from my body—annoyed him. Yes, really.
And a not so extreme case, I have an ex boyfriend who couldn’t stand that I was in the spotlight. That people follow me, read my work, reach out to me, compliment me etc. It was like he wanted to be the funny one, the one everyone adored, the smarter one, and the more successful one. Don’t get me wrong, overall he was a pretty nice guy but it really bothered him the attention I naturally received.
Call it mean, but I knew when we broke up his next girlfriend would be more plain. Not so sparkly and “out there.” Which is fine, because that’s what he truly wanted.
If you are shiny, sparkly and essentially magnetic—no man you date should have a problem with that. He should want to help you shine, regardless of whether or not he’s in the shadows or wants the spotlight too.
Know your worth. Know how amazing you are. Know that you are on a journey to be the best version of yourself and don’t compromise that for anyone, especially a man.
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