It seems as though there is an abundance of jaded people out there. Jaded so much that they not only insist that they don’t want a relationship, but they also insist on shitting all over the concept of relationships or monogamy—all over social media. The funny thing is, a lot of these people can’t see that they are unlucky in love because of their own actions.
Signs You Might Be Jaded
You Think “All Men Are the Same”
Let’s debunk that myth right now shall we? Have you dated all 3.5 billion men on the planet? No? How many have you dated? 10, 20, 50, 100? Do you have any idea how small of a sample size that actually is? Too small to make a determination that everyone of the opposite sex (or same sex, whomever you choose to date) is the same.
What’s more likely is that you choose and/or attract the same type of people. If everyone you’ve been with has abused, used or mistreated you—that’s on you. No I am not victim blaming or saying it’s your fault these guys were losers—just that you either didn’t see or simply ignored the red flags.
Try dating people you otherwise wouldn’t. Give someone new a shot rather than your usual ‘type’ and you’ll start seeing men are very different.
Happy Couples Annoy You
I’m not talking about the couple that has been dating for all of 5 minutes and insist on declaring their undying love all over your Facebook feed (they annoy the shit out of me too). I’m talking about genuinely happy couples that you can’t help but predict the demise of their relationship. “Oh he’ll probably cheat on her.” Or “She’s just with him for his money.”
It’s like your mind can’t wrap around the fact that maybe, just maybe, there really are people who are happy in a relationship together. Because news flash: there are. And while even happy couples have ups, downs, problems and issues at times, they are still putting themselves out there with someone, risking their hearts—and reaping the rewards.
You Tell Yourself You’re Scared
So you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you’ve been hurt a lot. Maybe you fell hard for the wrong people or were so sure one person was the one that you were floored when it didn’t work out. Maybe you feel like opening up your heart again will only open you up to more pain.
And maybe it will.
Think about how much you’re missing out on. The potential for pain may be great—but so is the potential for happiness. By being too afraid to get out there, or by half-assing things and sabotaging potential opportunities, you are also missing out on the other side of the spectrum. You know, the side where shit actually works out and you’re actually happy instead of simply avoiding unhappiness?
You Realize That You Pick the Wrong People
Somewhere along the lines you’ve realized that your people reader is total shit. Perhaps it makes total sense to you to opt out of the dating scene. I get it. How can you trust someone else if you don’t even trust yourself to choose someone worthy of your trust?
There are plenty of people who do a bad job of picking others, but the problem doesn’t so much lie in the choosing as it does in the sticking around. It’s like you know this person sucks or won’t work out and yet you continue to try and fit the square peg into the round hole. Why??
If you can learn to identify the problem behaviors early enough, you can walk away sooner. Don’t be afraid to trash someone and move on. Yes, you may have to weed out the frogs, but wouldn’t you rather decide that 10 people aren’t right for you (and maybe the 11th one is) than spend the exact same amount of time finding out one person isn’t?
You Tell Yourself You Can’t Do What You Want
People who tell themselves that being in a relationship means you have to ‘answer’ to someone have a little bit of jade going on. Telling someone where you are going or where you’ve been is just common courtesy. If you’re dating a decent human being then they won’t really care what you do, and if you’re a decent human being you aren’t off doing anything crazy.
If sticking to the parameters of your relationship (i.e. no cheating etc) is an issue, then you definitely shouldn’t be dating. But if you’re not dating because you think it means you’re being denied the freedom to be who you are, then you’ve been in the wrong kind of relationships. You get to make the rules, no one else does, and when you find the right person to make the rules with, you’ll get that you really can do whatever you’d like.
You Tell Yourself There’s No One out There for You
Again, billions of men are out there. Not hundreds, thousands or millions– billions. You can not be so arrogant to think that there isn’t a single person out there that you’d click with. There’s always someone just as weird as you, and part of the fun is finding them.
Don’t drag your unluckiness around with you. Believe that there is someone out there who will complement you, and you’ll find them. Or perhaps they’ll even find you.
You Don’t Believe in Love
This is probably the saddest point of all and if this is what you truly believe there may be no helping you. Love is everywhere, you simply have to know where to look. Every person (with the exception of sociopaths and psychopaths of course) is capable of love. Love, not just romantic love, is what will save us all if we let it. There are so many different flavors and shades of love, and there is something for everyone. As much as people attempt to define it, it means something different to everyone and yet the same to many.
Accepting yourself as lovable, that you are worthy of love and that your love is a gift to others is a start. If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point? And yes, I’m campaigning hard for love here because I believe in love more than I believe in the need for air. Judge me.
While everyone has a story or reasoning behind why they are the way they are, being jaded only ensures one thing—a self-fulfilling prophecy of unhappiness. So open your mind, put that heart on your sleeve and if you get hurt, so what? It only means you’re that much closer.
Image credit: Shutterstock