Hey there, Crazy. Yes you, the one freaking out about why the bridesmaid dresses you ordered are peach instead of apricot. Calm down and breathe. Do you remember what all this is for? This is your wedding day, and that crazy bridezilla bitch you turned into? She’s not invited.
Somewhere in between Tiffany’s and Pinterest, women lose their heads over planning their weddings. Friendships get strained, the relationship between the bride and groom-to-be suffers while Madame Bossypants reminds everyone over and over how it’s her big day. It’s not only unattractive—it can also be downright scary. This isn’t just your day—it’s his day too. So let’s take a step back and get this green, scaly version of you under control, shall we?
Remind Yourself It’s a Celebration
A wedding is essentially a celebration of love between two people, where you invite others to take a peek into that love for just a day. A marriage can be performed at the town hall right? But you (and plenty of other women) don’t want that. You want the dress and the flowers, the fancy food and the dancing. Which is fine, you definitely deserve the whole “princess for a day’” shebang.
Reminding yourself that this is a celebration should help you to relax a bit. So what if the cake falls over? Or if you trip on your dress or the bridesmaids dresses don’t perfectly match the linens? Your guests aren’t there to see that. They’re there to see two people in love, who are committing to spend the rest of their lives together. If you’re ranting like a psycho bridezilla because the wrong centerpieces are on the table, that’s what they’ll see, and they might wonder if that’s how you’ll be in all the days following the wedding. You know … the days that are far more important than the actual wedding day?
I’m not sure when the wedding day became one centered on perfection. Sure, maybe you’ve dreamed of this day since you were a little girl and want to make those dreams come true, but why does it need to be perfect? Take a breath and ask yourself, “If something doesn’t go as planned, then what?”.
If the answer is anything remotely close to “EVERYTHING IS RUINED!!” then you need to sit and calm the eff down there little bridezilla. Most people won’t notice the little slip-ups and mishaps that you will. If you’ve put an extensive amount of time and effort into making it perfect, know that everyone else’s standards for the evening are probably much lower than yours. Your checklist for perfection should only include the following points:
- Our parents look happy
- Our guests appear to be having a good time
- I’ve been able to kiss my groom more times than I can count after he was told to “kiss the bride”
- My groom is happy
- I’m happy
Go Easy on Your Girls
Luckily, I’m not the kind of girl who is repeatedly asked to be a bridesmaid, but I know plenty whose closets could rival Katherine Heigl’s in 27 Dresses. Most of the time, these friends are miserable and it’s usually because of what their bridezilla has requested of them.
Being the bride does not entitle you to a group of minions. When you ask friends to be your bridesmaids, you’re essentially saying to them, “Hey, I love you and I need your support in this giant leap in life I’m about to take. Will you stand by my side and support me through it?”
Their support should not be contingent on them having to spend an obnoxious amount of money on a dress that looks awful on their body style, matching shoes because you like them (who cares if they can’t walk in heels? Suck it up bitch, it’s my day), and tolerance of your Jekyll & Hyde mood swings. (ALL of which are bridezilla characteristics, FYI.) They are there because they love you, so make sure you’re showing them that you love them back.
He’s Marrying You Because He Loves You
Unless you’re having an arranged marriage or you’re his sugar mama, this man wants to be with you because you’re you. Not because you have the prettiest wedding board on Pinterest or because your party planning skills are second to none. He’s the guy that thinks you’re gorgeous in sweat pants and a side pony, so whatever gown you choose, he will love it. He’s the guy who loves your heart, your soul, your face, your body, your hands …
That’s what matters. At the end of the day (literally) it’s just the two of you and you should want him to feel like the day was about your love for each other, not your need to be queen for a day. Remind yourself of that if you feel your inner bridezilla start to surface anytime throughout the planning process but especially on your wedding day.
The Days After
All in all, the wedding day itself doesn’t matter. Yeah I said it, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a day, a beautiful day to hold the memories in your heart, but what’s most important are the days that follow. Your wedding is the start of your married life, the lifetime you committed to another person. Have you been focusing so much on making the actual day perfect that you haven’t thought of how to make your life perfect? Refocus on that and think to yourself: While I want the day to be perfect, my life with this person is far more important than the day itself. I’m truly lucky to have found a life partner.
There’s no room for Bridezilla at the sweetheart table. That spot is reserved for you and your man only. Enjoy the day, enjoy your guests and be grateful that they came to share in the celebration with you.
*This article was first published in the September 2014 issue of Indie Chick Magazine.
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