We’ve all been there. Whether it’s because life has gotten too hectic or we’ve fallen in love, we’ve all become disconnected from our girlfriends at one point or another. Suddenly, months have passed and you realize you haven’t seen your friends in…? You’ve lost track and it’s sort of embarrassing, isn’t it? Instead of ignoring the problem (which I assure you is so much easier), face it head on and bring your best betches back into your life. Reconnecting with girlfriends should be a priority, here is how you can start.
You know that thingy you carry around that has all your social media accounts, apps, games, and calendar? It’s a phone, too. Yes, that means you can make actual calls on it. It’s so easy to get in the habit of texting, IMing, DMing & PMing our friends that we forget how strong a verbal connection can be. Yes, reconnecting with girlfriends can be as easy as picking up a phone.
My best friend is in nursing school and has an incredibly demanding full-time day job. We aren’t able to physically see each other, so every Sunday one of us calls the other. It’s an awesome boost to unload our week onto each other and talk each other through whatever it is we might need to talk through. So find a time that’s good for you and her, and make it a habit.
Are you the reason you haven’t hung out? (You know if it is or not, and remember it takes two to tango, baby.) Apologize. Say you’re sorry and there’s no excuse for you to blow off your friendship. Is he or she the reason? Who cares! Be the bigger person, and reach out and apologize that you haven’t gotten together.
Either way, tell them that you miss them and that you need some time with them ASAP, even if it’s just a little bit. Maybe they need you to be the one to break the ice. Do it gladly.
Make a Date
Haven’t seen your girl (or girls) in so long you forget what their hot-ass faces look like? Pick a night with enough lead-time and arrange for a date. Host a gathering in your home, plan to meet for dinner/wine/appetizers/cocktails—whatever your thing is, and don’t break it. Let them know how important this is to you and that it’s unacceptable it’s gone on this long. Reconnecting with girlfriends is easier when you have a set date, a pen (not pencil) meet up in your calendar.
Don’t Be That Friend
The One Who Falls down the Boyfriend Rabbit Hole
You have a boyfriend, it’s new (or not) and you’re sooo in love? That’s freaking great, but there’s no excuse for ditching your friends. Not only is it a d-bag move, but you’re also screwing yourself for when you actually need someone to be there for you. You’re also not able to be there for them when they need you. So take some time now and then, I promise your man will still be around when you get back. And if he isn’t, it’s definitely for the best. Note-reconnecting with your girlfriends wouldn’t be necessary if you hadn’t dropped off the radar–stop doing that shit!
One Who Excludes Her Friends from Her Life Because They Don’t Have Kids
I see on Facebook all the time people wah-wahhing about not having enough friends with kids. We get it, your life revolves around your adorable, drooling rugrat, but if you’re cutting out good people because they personally haven’t popped one out, you’re doing yourself a disservice.
Sure it’s awesome to have friends who understand about poopy diapers and Wonderpets, but what about the other needs you have? What about reconnecting with girlfriends that happen to be single and always knows how to crack you up? Or that friend who’s been with her man forever, but doesn’t happen to have children? Don’t shun them just because your lives aren’t identical. In reality, no two lives are identical, and sometimes the people we have less in common with, can bring out amazing things in us we didn’t know were there.
The One Who Complains You Never Hang out and Then Flakes
So you’ve gotten steps 1-3 down pat, you just always cancel last minute or something comes up. Stop. Seriously, just stop it. If you are just calling these people your friends because it makes you feel better, you need to take a look at yourself. Whether it’s laziness, fakeness, or straight-up assholeness, you need to either not make plans at all—or start committing to the ones you make.
Be the Kind of Friend
Who Is There When Your Friends Really Need You
There’s a difference between someone who only calls you when they want something and a friend who genuinely needs your help. Hopefully, you’ve been there, done that and can make this distinction.
Sometimes, your friend won’t even ask for your help, but reconnecting with girlfriends is a priority for you that means you’re a good enough friend to not need asking. Is she going through a breakup? Show up with wine, ice cream and a Redbox. Is she sick with the flu? Bring her some soup, meds and a yellow smiley face balloon to cheer her up. It doesn’t have to break your wallet to be there for a friend; all it takes is the desire to see her smile.
Who Reaches out When You Need Her
It’s a two way street for a reason girl. Having a hard day/week/month? Need a shoulder to cry on? Call your girlfriend. Holding in your pain will only result in more pain for you and even some possible resentment for having to go it alone. Let her be there for you, let her take care of you. Sometimes when you do that you’re really doing something for her as well.
It doesn’t matter if you have a handful of amazing girlfriends or just one; having them is a gift. If you’ve lost touch, do yourself a favor and make reconnecting with your girlfriends a priority. If you have rock-solid friendships—hell yeah girl, keep it up! You deserve to be surrounded by wonderful, badass women like yourself.
*This article was first published in the Summer 2014 issue of Indie Chick Magazine.
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