Hey there “nice guys,” I have a bone to pick with you. You see, I’m not finding you to be all that nice. In fact, I think the majority of you self-proclaimed nice guys are passive aggressive assholes in disguise. Just because you aren’t outwardly a jerk, doesn’t mean you aren’t one at all.
I pissed a lot of guys off with my 9 Guys I Wouldn’t Date article. It seems as though they took my lack of interest in the “nice guy” to heart. Here’s a newsflash for you, I’m dating a nice guy; a real one. I’ve been with him almost 3 years, so I think it’s safe to say I know what his true colors look like by this point. He is literally one of the kindest people I’ve ever met in my life but he’s not a pushover either. So I think it’s also safe to say that I’m a pretty solid judge on this topic.
You Aren’t Actually a Nice Guy If:
You Complain about How ‘Being Nice’ Is Getting You Nowhere
I see this all the time in my newsfeed. Some dude is feeling discouraged about some chick that apparently is no longer interested (or never was) in him. So he makes a statement about how he’s going to just stop being nice to chicks and start being an asshole because apparently that’s what “works”.
Real Nice Guys: Don’t “play nice” they are nice- as in actually, genuinely nice. They don’t consider pulling a 180 and heading to the dark side if some girl doesn’t reciprocate, because their mind doesn’t even go there. They just nicely let her move on. It might discourage or upset them, but they aren’t going to change who they are because they weren’t some chick’s cup of tea.
You Recite All the Nice Things You’ve Done
We get it. You’ve gone out of your way for this girl. You’ve given her this and that and you’ve stopped spending time with other girls so you can dedicate more to her. For whatever reason, she’s just not that into you and now you’re pissed. You rattle off your little scorecard as though it actually means something. It doesn’t. You aren’t a nice guy if you’re going to act like she owes you something just because you were nice to her. If you don’t want to do something—just don’t.
Real Nice Guys: Do things because they want to, not because they want praise or something in return. Do you know what it means to do something out of the goodness of your heart? Nice guys do. And while they absolutely want to be appreciated for it, they aren’t going to throw it in your face and make you feel bad about it- for any reason. Good guys also have a backbone, and while it might be hard for them to say no, they’ll say it if they don’t want to do something. Or, they’ll realize going above and beyond was their mistake, and learn from it.
You Compare Yourself to ‘Douchebags’
In fact you’ve decided that every guy besides you is obviously a d-bag. Does he work out a lot? Douchebag. Have tattoos? Clearly he’s a douchebag. If the girl you’re into goes back to her ex-boyfriend or chooses another guy over you, you assume they’re a bad guy; after all, the douchebags always get the girl and that nice guys like you clearly finish last.
Why are you so damn worried about those guys? Where do you get off calling them douchebags? Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, but what is it to you? Just because you didn’t get the girl it doesn’t somehow make you better than the next guy.
Real Nice Guys: Accept she wasn’t the right girl for him. They might wonder what this guy has that he doesn’t, it stings a bit, but they aren’t going to go off calling the guy a douchebag because he “won.” That’s just a sore loser.
You Mistake Being Nice for Being a Doormat
You bend over backwards for her, you say yes when you would really rather say no and you are always there when she needs you– but it’s like she doesn’t even care. Honestly, it’s difficult to respect someone when it doesn’t appear as though they have respect for themselves. Practically waiting on her hand and foot does not scream self-respect.
Buckling when you don’t want to, or when it will put you out, makes you a doormat, not a nice guy. Constantly putting yourself out for someone else creates resentment and results in passive aggressive activity—which in my book is worse than being an outright asshole.
Real Nice Guys: Are kind and generous but also know how to say no. Sure we all do things we don’t want to do for people we care about, it’s part of life. Nice guys know that sometimes they aren’t going to want to hang out, go pick up that thing she wants or cancel plans to be at her beck and call, so they just say no. Then there’s nothing to be pissed about later, because there’s only yourself to be pissed at.
You Have to Say It
Have you ever heard that quote by Margaret Thatcher, “Power is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”? That goes for you too Mr. Nice Guy. If you have to tell the wide world of Facebook that you’re such a nice guy, there’s a good chance you aren’t. Perhaps you’re just trying to convince yourself?
Real Nice Guys: May think and believe that they’re nice guys but they don’t have to tell the world, or anyone that they’re nice. People just know it.
You Freak out If She Doesn’t Reciprocate
This cracks me up every time I see it. The “nice guy” does and says all sorts of nice things, and then it turns out she doesn’t like him. Never have I seen an opinion change and insults fly so fast. Name-calling commences and suddenly she’s a “stupid bitch” and “not even that hot.” Really? So you were just slumming it right?
If you think for one second a chick not returning your interest or affection warrants that kind of bullshit, you are truly the furthest thing away from a nice guy.
Real Nice Guys: Understand that not every woman is going to like them, in fact they are pretty understanding of when a woman doesn’t return their feelings. They simply move on and direct their attention elsewhere.
This Post Upsets You
Like most of you who misinterpreted my last post, this one will probably send you down a spiral of butt hurt as well.
Real Nice Guys: Don’t finish last. Doormats and douchebags in disguise do.
Image credit: Shutterstock
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